Advertisement That is just one relatively mild example of an ugly and growing nationwide phenomenon called electronic bullying. Other names for this kind of online cruelty are cyberbullying and e-bullying.
School officials interviewed for this article uniformly declined to talk about specific instances of local bullying because they did not want to take the chance that victims could be identified and thus suffer even more.
No matter what the name, electronic bullying has caused incalculable suffering, even pushing some to commit suicide. Unfortunately, area school officials report this kind of anonymous adolescent aggression has arrived in the Coulee Region.
“I’ve seen a lot of hurtful ones,” said Beth Gamoke, counselor at Onalaska High School. “The biggest problem is text messaging. A lot of them are passed around with a request to forward to everyone you know.’”
The ease with which rumors can be spread electronically has made a qualitative difference in the damage that can be done. With the click of a “send” button, a disparaging comment can be circulated schoolwide or even worldwide via a Web site or chatroom.
Most parents can recall bullies in their schools when they were growing up. But where bullying used to be limited to harsh words and a shove on a playground, the new bullying is qualitatively different and can cause far more harm.
“All of us can remember being bullied in our formative years,” said Kathy Carson, Bangor High School’s school psychologist. “Parents tend to think, Oh, that’s just part of growing up,’ but it’s not. This (being subjected to electronic bullying) is not a normal part of growing up.”
“Bullying is an attack on a person’s self esteem, and the kids being attacked are still working out who they are,” Gamoke noted.
In fact, the avenues for bullies to do harm are only limited by their imaginations. They can compile lists of the school’s “top five homosexuals,” “the ugliest boys or girls,” “the fattest,” “the dumbest” the possibilities for humiliating others are endless.
“They can even manipulate photos online to embarrass people,” Carson said.
Gamoke said boys tend to settle disputes with fights or face-to-face arguments while girls are more likely to use what she calls “relational aggression.”
According to Laurie Kessler, a counselor at Holmen High School, the bullying usually begins with some sort of dispute. “What typically happens is a fight over something a boyfriend a girlfriend, etc. and then the attack mode comes on,” she said. In addition, there’s often an element of piling on in bullying communications.
“Anonymity allows them to say something without looking the other person in the eye and, often, kids write these things together it becomes a mob mentality,” Kessler said.
“The bullying usually has to do with relationships, trying to exclude someone or not talk to them, or getting someone on your side by attacking someone else,” Carson said. “The kids exposed suffer from anxiety, depression, self-doubt and self-esteem issues, plus it obviously affects their classwork.”
One of the most insidious things about electronic bullying is that the victim does not know where or who it is coming from. That might easily lead impressionable youngsters to think the whole school is against them.
When forced to think about what they’ve done, most bullies will admit their error. “Most kids know right from wrong. If you sit them down and talk to them and if they hear from the victims they will be sorry but it’s just too easy!” Kessler said. “If parents knew what was going on they would be appalled.”
One of the reasons parents often don’t know what’s going on is that their children often are more familiar with new technology than their parents are. Also, if bullying issues come up, the victim might not want to tell an adult for fear they’ll lose their electronic privilieges.
“Some students feel it’s hard to tell adults because they believe the adults won’t be able to make it stop and that telling may make the bullying even worse,” Carson said.
Even though most schools prohibit or limit cellphone use, they have become a common accessory for many middle school and high school students. Meanwhile, text messaging, in particular, is something many adults have little or no experience with. Gamoke reports that she read somewhere of a student who was getting 1,000 text messages a day.
“What are you doing with the rest of your life if you’re answering 1,000 messages every day?” she wondered.
Gamoke recommends that parents block text messaging on students’ cellphones or have the kinds of phones that are for emergency use only. “Phones aren’t necessary. You’re seeing your friends every day at school and probably all summer, too there’s just no need,” she emphasized.
What else can parents do to limit the possibility of electronic bullying? “All the literature says that kids should not have computers in their rooms but in a family or common area. Yet most do have computers in their rooms, where they are not monitored. I think parents would be amazed at how many kids are up and on their computers at 2 or 3 in the morning,” Kessler said.
Even though much, if not most, electronic bullying occurs outside of school grounds, schools are on the front line of defense against the phenomenon. As at the other schools in the area, the problem is taken seriously at Onalaska High School.
“If Ryan Vogler, our associate prinicipal, can find the source he will begin disciplinary steps. We try to work on the discipline side so that kids know that there are consequences,” Gamoke said. And if the bullying strays into the area of harassment or intimidation, the police can be contacted.
“I always tell kids not to put anything on the Internet that they would not want run in the local newspaper,” Carson said. “If you make a nasty comment to someone verbally you can apologize. That’s not so in cyberspace once it’s out there, it’s out there.”
Carson uses the analogy of shaking open a feather pillow on a windy day to illustrate to students how hard it is to take back things said or retrieve personal information revealed on the Internet. “There’s just no way you will get all the feathers back,” she said.
Because electronic bullying is a relatively new phenomenon, schools are still figuring out ways to combat it. A book out this month “Bullying Beyond the Schoolyard: Preventing and Responding to Cyberbullying” suggests that the most effective strategy is a coordinated community response involving parents, teachers, police and counselors.
For Gamoke, it boils down to something that seems simple but might require a big effort: “I’d like to see us create a general culture of respect for others.”
Bullying speaker coming to West Salem
Jim Jelenski, a nationally known speaker on bullying, will be in West Salem Sept. 10-11 for a series of presentations, including an evening presentation that is open to all area parents.
Jelenski has worked as a human service professional for more than 20 years. He has spoken to more than 300 schools, reaching more than 10,000 youths throughout the country on the topic of preventing bullying.
On the morning of Sept. 10, Jelenski will speak with staff from the West Salem School District. He also will speak to students from all three West Salem schools.
All interested parents and community members from West Salem and surrounding communities are invited to attend Jelenski’s presentation on Sept. 10 beginning at 6:30 p.m. in the Marie W. Heider Center for the Arts at 405 E. Hamlin St.
Thanks to the generosity of area businesses, there will be several door prizes given out that evening.
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